If You Love Me, You'd Let Me Go

They say if you love something set it free… it if loves you, it will return. Some call it love; others call it infatuation; and still others would refer to it as pure insanity. I called it love. He called it craziness. He set me free so many times and I came back every time. It must have been love if he was willing to set me free over and over again, right?

Jordy Tater.

That wasn’t his real name of course. That was the pet name I gave my one and only love.

I was four; he was five. He was going to school; I was still in daycare. I understand, maybe I was too young for him at the time. I mean… it’s the equivalent of a college student dating a high student right? Nonetheless, I didn’t (and still don’t) believe that those types of things should be barriers in this Romeo and Juliet word of love and love lost.

Jordy Tater, whose real full name shall not be disclosed, was (and still technically is, I guess) the son of one of my mom’s friends, Ficky (This also is not her real name, but the name by which I called her. For privacy reasons her true identity shall also remain hidden). He had a twin brother of the same age, and an older sister—by how many years older, I do not remember, but by now she is probably in her early to mid-twenties. The relationship my sister and I shared with these three children was a dramatic square of adoration, each party reaching out to another reluctant child.

The older sister always wanted me as her toy. I’m going to guess that she was at that age where she loved playing with the wee children, even though now I’m sure she couldn’t have been any older than ten years of age. I can honestly say I don’t remember much of her at that age, since my attention was focused elsewhere (you’ve got it, Tater boy) but I do know that one day she captured me and decided to put rollers in my hair. This experiment ended with a tragically hilarious afro on my part—I was her real-life doll.

Our adoration square (in relevance to a love-triangle) continues. Paige always sought the company of Miranda, who was too busy chasing my afro-clad head down. And Tater boy and his twin thought Paige was cool enough to bother.

I on the other hand, wanted to be one with the twins. Maybe this was already impossible because Jordy Tater and his brother were hardly a separate entity themselves, and adding another party would be crowded in this being of “one.” But I didn’t care. My crush on Jordy kept me coming back even after humiliations, pranks, and bullying.

The following only entail a few ways in which Jordy Tater (and his twin) attempted to set me free, quite cruelly actually, and how I came back… every time:

The first time he set me free, we were playing on their home-playground, doing cool tricks like always. At one point I decided I would impress the boys by doing exactly what they were doing, and no doubt it would impress them because we were so amazingly cool… or so I thought. As I was completed my stunt—successfully I must add—I was greeted with looks of horror from the boys. “MY DAD’S GOING TO KILL YOU FOR DOING THAT!” They said in flabbergasted shouts. I panicked; my heart started to race, feet and palms started to sweat, and I froze in this uncomfortable position on their playground. They had just got done doing the same thing!? Why would he kill me for doing it? “Really! If he sees you doing that he’ll kill you!” They said again. I didn’t know what to do so I jumped back down to safety, climbed off the playground and ran into the house crying, no wailing into the comforting arms of my mother.

That’s when Jordy let me go for the first time… and I came back.

The next time may not have been so threatening, but it was just as terrifying. The boys were tagging along behind my sister, like usual, as my sister tried to be cool enough for Miranda, and I chased behind the boys, hoping they’d finally come to the conclusion that I was epically awesome and would play with me. But alas, in the dark of the night, the full moon cast it’s light upon the yellow house in which we stayed, and upon the maddened hearts of the twins. (Mad I say! Because they would not give their attention to me, especially Tater-boy.) As they finally turned towards me, I thought I would at last be accepted as their kin, but instead I was told that if I wouldn’t leave them alone, I would be turned into a werewolf because of the full moon. . I panicked; my heart started to race, feet and palms started to sweat, and I froze standing in their hallway. I ran to the safety to the arms of my mother as she calmed my worries, assuring me I would not be turned into a werewolf.

I was let go for a second time… but I still came back. Clearly, we loved each other.

He let set me free one more time before the family packed up their bags and moved, separating us forever. We were outside running around like little maniacal rugrats on the grassy lawn.  Suddenly, out of nowhere, dearest Jordy and his twin ambushed me with their power-locked-and-loaded nerf guns. POW! Right in the face! I panicked; my heart started to race, feet and palms started to sweat, and I froze mid-run in the yard. I ran screaming to the arms of mother, who asked why I was crying. “They shot me in the poorhead (more commonly known as the forehead)!” I thought it was the end of my life right there.

That was the last time I was set free, but I couldn’t come back, even if I wanted. They moved about an hour away and I rarely, if ever saw Tater-boy and his siblings ever again. That was the last time I saw my dear love.


***Update: I'm not actually still in love with Tater-boy. This is just from the prospective of a stupid romance story in the eyes of a 4-year-old.***